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don’t suppose

maura @ 4:16 pm

For some reason when we were in Montreal earlier this summer I started cracking up over the number and variety of “don’t” signs. It’s not like they’re unique to the city or even to Canada — of course there are don’t signs in all places that have: 1) people, and 2) restrictions on said people’s behavior. We have them everywhere in NYC, duh. So why did I find them so funny? I think it was the specificity more than anything — some were so very narrow in their proscriptions. Also sometimes the scale of the images on the signs was…off.

The hotel we stayed in had a very neato outdoor pool on the roof, which of course requires many don’t signs because omg pools on roofs, so dangerous!

Don’t fall on this wet floor because otherwise you will turn into a bird.


Also don’t even think of bringing your sparkly ’50s glassware out here, either broken or whole.


When heading inside, kindly leave your feet outside, thanks.


Montreal is very bicycle-friendly, so don’t even think of locking your moped or motorcycle to this bike rack, yo.


We spent lots of time using the Metro to tool around the city, and of course there are lots of things you can’t do on the Metro. Wheeled recreation of many sorts is right out, especially those rollerblades that are the size of a skateboard. Also you may not smoke your skateboard-sized cigarettes in the Metro station, either.


We spent one afternoon at the Biodome, a combination zoo/aquarium/botanic garden kind of place at the old Olympic center that was just lovely (if frightfully crowded). In the Biodome it’s forbidden for you to use your giant hand to grab (or wave at!) the very small otters. You also may not climb whatever that pile of stuff is.


Adjacent to the Biodome is the botanical gardens, which were huge and amazing and in which we spent probably 4 hours on 2 afternoons and still didn’t see it all. Upon entering the gardens you’re greeted with a plethora of restrictions, including not bringing your dog-sized soccer ball (or soccer-ball sized dog?) with you on your visit, again with the humongous rollerblades (perhaps for normal-sized people with enormous feet?), and please leave your many varieties of human-powered wheeled transportation mechanisms for humans of all sizes, from tiny to giant, at home.


In the pavillion in the Japanese Garden you may not wear Adidas. You also may not consume either soft-serve ice cream or classic popsicles from the ’70s. Nikes and ice cream bars are fine, though.



I was so obsessed that it was contagious. Gus’s grandpa sent me this photo from a trip they took after we went home. As if it weren’t totally obvious, please don’t dance with your refrigerator.


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5 comments on “don’t suppose”

jonathan (12 August 2013 at 2:03 pm)

You were totally wearing adidas in the Japanese Garden. I was there.

maura (18 August 2013 at 3:31 pm)

Caught! Lucky I made it out of the country alive.

Anne (8 October 2013 at 8:54 pm)

I will stay far away from the Jardin, merci! It looks too dangerous.

Did you see the “Please Keep Feet Off Walls” sign from my temp job?

maura (12 October 2013 at 10:41 am)

Wait, no, I don’t think I did! Did you tweet it? I can go back and see.

Anne (21 October 2013 at 8:51 am)

Just now…

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