maura @ 10:36 pm
I am afraid to ride my bike to work. There, I said it! The bike’s been sitting in our living room for nearly 2 weeks now. It could be down in the basement hanging out with all the other bikes, but I keep telling myself that I’ll ride it to work tomorrow, yeah, that’s it.
I know I’ve whined about this before (here and here). I guess really I am still nervous about all of those things. It’s worth noting that I haven’t ridden my scooter to work since my fall last fall (ha!). That was ha! for the rhetorical turn, which Wikipedia tells me is called antanaclasis, not ha! for falling. Falling sucked.
I don’t rightly know what to do about this. It’s kind of ironic, because I just today told someone that sometimes it’s good to do something that scares you, because it knocks you out of your comfort zone which can often be good. The example I used was when I went to present at that conference 2 wks ago — I actually didn’t know anyone else there, which is sometimes hard for me (I kind of hover over the line between introvert and extrovert). But clearly I really should have used my fear of self-propelled wheeled transport, which is a much better example (and doesn’t sound all smug).
It’s not that I’m scared to ride the bike at all. We’ve been riding in the park many weekends (with a more or less whiny kid, depending), which has been fine. But there are no cars in the park on weekends. And I never lock the bike + leave it anywhere. And I’ve done it before which means that I know what will happen. And…
I never really think of myself as a fear change kind of person, but clearly I am, at least in some ways. I do feel like I’ve pushed myself in many respects in the recent past — this afternoon I had a conversation in which I was reminded that when I was younger I really, really didn’t want to do any teaching, which is pretty much the exact opposite of how I feel now. But it is just so easy to come up with reasons not to ride my bike to work that it’s totally evident that I’m just scared.
Things will have to change soon — it’s just getting too hot for me to walk to work in the mornings. Plus, I suspect that the bike is actually the fastest way to get to work, and with school ending and camp starting soon for Gus our mornings will shift a bit later, so I could use that extra time. Stay tuned.